omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
