come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
