she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
