fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
