just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't deserve a penis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
