I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just took my morning after pill in the library
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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