I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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