i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
