M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
