My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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