So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Life is so much better after having sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
