So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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