Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
