ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
