TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
