the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
