I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
