I think im going to throw up on grandma
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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