My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
