he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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