dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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