I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
