OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
