i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
