you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I did not marry a roomba.
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