Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
