the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
