Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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