Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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