i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
