Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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