sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
