also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
