$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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