just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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