There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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