wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
