i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
