He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
