is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
