Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
