i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
