Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
