she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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