my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
