Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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