I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
