3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
