We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
