and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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