I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
